"good for her!" vs "why not me?"


I can’t even accurately tally how many times I’ve heard women friends of mine speak of how hard it is to find good female friends.

The words caddy, jealous and competitive come to mind. I try and think of a time in my own life when women did not feel the need to compete and I can’t find it.

Grade school was the worst for me…The mean girls. Being bullied because my family was poor. Not understanding why I couldn’t be friends with everyone just because I lived in a trailor park.

I became good at adapting and adjusting. Eventually I got to the point where social status and money did not matter.


Why is it impossible for us as women to support each other?
It shouldn’t be.

Why is it so hard for us to be happy for another woman when things turn out well for her?
It shouldn’t be.

Why do we think “why not me?” instead of “good for her”?

Being women who inspire and support means more than just sharing quotes that are deep and written by someone else, more than just the half-hearted compliments we pay each other when we get news our friends dreams are coming true, more than the occasional “cute shoes, pretty profile pic and the ever so flat “oh cool.”

These are things we often times feel we must say, to be nice. Well nice isn’t always genuine.

I think it’s time as women we reach into that place where we love to tuck our insecurities away and give it a stir.

I think it’s time we look in the mirror, not to straighten our mascara, not to make sure we are the best dressed girl at the ball….but to see what part about ourselves we love and face the fears that house our insecurities. Grab them and hold onto them until we are able to naturally overcome them.

Overcome them when your best friend tells you she just got news or is going on a big trip when your first instinct is jealousy.

Rather than allowing the usual response be one of a half-assed attempt to say something nice and retreat back into the fear box, picture (like actually visulaize) how happy you’d be in her shoes and take that positive energy to inspire yourself to do more and manifest more for yourself.

Overcome them when you see others being more successful at something you are still struggling to do and use their example to excite you for the future; to give you hope that if dreams can come true for others, they can for you as well.

Overcome that age old feminine nature that tells us to judge other women because they are different than us. Difference is necessary for inspiration, for progression, for us to challenge ourselves.

Overcome the mean girl in us who wants to gossip about things we truly do not understand. It always comes back around and we all know what it’s like to be on the other side.

Overcome the insane idea that we must be the best at everything. It’s not logical. It’s not healthy. It’s not possible.

As women, we should not only be supporting each other, but we should be giving a little grace as well. I want my daughter...I want YOUR daughter to understand the importance of lending a hand to her girlfriends, the importance of not judging things from the outside, the importance of surrounding herself with girls that love her.

I am inspired daily by the struggles and triumphs of the women around me. I could be jealous (and at times I am) of things they do and have happen to them. I could not care if they were successful. I could make assumptions about them when I have no clue what they are going through. I could, and I have, but I want to be different.

I want to do my best to help and share and accept.

My daughter will not be a good person just because I tell her to be. She will not be a hard worker if she believes beauty is the only way to get something. She will not trust anyone, if those close to her are not happy for her.

She will however be the product of what surrounds her.

“We” will be the products of what surrounds us.

I say we all work on what surrounds us;)

I would love to hear your thoughts… so leave me a comment or send me an email!

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Post Originally Published on KimberlyScottBlog in March 2011.
Images Courtesy of Kassia Phoy.